Rome-Ristorante Tisoni was quiet when violent screams broke out from the back of the premises. Witnesses say that a beautiful mature woman in her thirties suddenly leapt across the dinner table, reaching for a younger man’s neck. It was a skinny neck, some say, due to the victims obviously younger age.

When attending waiter, Pietro Di Niente, was asked for his account, he said that the young man in question had asked for a bottle of ketchup after his plate of carbonara had been served. Di Niente thought it was a strange request, but he said American tourists asked for many strange things. After the ketchup was brought over, the young man proceeded in pouring the red paste over his fresh carbonara after which the mature attacker launched over the table screaming, “Don’t you dare!” Di Niente tried to stop the attack, but the woman’s rage was too ferocious to stop.

Another eye witness said the attacker used the strap of her Louis Vuitton handbag to strangle the victim. “It was amazing. She levitated and somehow wrapped the strap of her LV around his neck screaming: ‘ketchup doesn’t belong on carbonara.’ Most of us ran over to stop the fight, but when we heard this disturbing statement, we all stopped, letting the fight continue. Hey. What can I say? No one should ever put ketchup oncarbonara.”

Signora Pen’Ultima, who watched the entire scene unfold, agreed. “When we heard that the young **profanity** man tried to put ketchup on the best carbonara in Rome, we all wanted to kill him. I mean…who does that?!”

Carabanieri showed up at the scene just in time to save the young man’s life. When asked, Officer Renero said: “When we arrived on the scene, we had heard that a young man was being attacked by an older woman. We quickly broke into laughter before breaking up the fight, but when we heard why she had attacked him, we almost wished we hadn’t.”

The young man, who’s identity remains private to protect any further attempts on his life, is in critical care at Ospedale San Giovanni. The attacker, Angela Vendetta, had this to say: “No self-respecting Roman could ever watch anyone put ketchup on their carbonara. I had to do it.”